Divorce Mediation

Do you want to end your marriage but not start a war?

On TV, divorce is often portrayed as a courtroom battle between two people that hate each other so much they need a judge to decide the best way to divvy up their assets and childcare. After building a life and family together, now they must rely on a stranger to decide what’s best for them and their path forward.

Sometimes divorce court is absolutely a necessary path. But, if you talk to anyone that’s actually been through that process, they’ll tell you to avoid it if you possibly can.

Divorce mediation offers a chance for couples to act as the experts in their own lives with the full capability to make the decisions that fit best with their unique situation. A family court judge might have seen a thousand divorces, but they’ve never seen *yours*.

Every divorcing couple is unique; I work with you to find a resolution tailored to your individual circumstances.

Frequently Asked Questions about Divorce Mediation:

What is Divorce Mediation?

Divorce mediation is a process in which a separating couple works together with a neutral third party, the mediator, to resolve divorce or custody disputes. In mediation, you get to decide on the outcome, not an external authority as with litigation or arbitration.

What does the divorce mediation process look like?

Divorce mediation typically involves a series of two-hour sessions between the separating couple and the mediator. In some cases, other invited participants (lawyers, psychologists, CPAs, support people) attend some or all of the sessions. These participants are agreed upon from the beginning.

Divorce mediation sessions tackle many topics that need to be discussed and decided. These include:

• Child Custody and Parenting Plan

• Property Division

• Different kinds of support, when applicable:

  • Child Support

  • Spousal Support

  • Family Support

Before a divorce agreement is finalized, both parties are encouraged to have a lawyer review the contract. This can be a lawyer the individuals have already been working with on the divorce, or a lawyer they consult for a one-off review.

What role does the mediator play?

As a divorce mediator, my role is to turn the heat down and create the space and structure to hold a series of conversations. These conversations are about what needs to be decided, what is important to each person and why, what information needs to be gathered so each person can make an informed choice, and collaborate to develop possible resolutions that honor both side’s priorities and values.  

I have trained with the Center for Understanding in Conflict and follow the understanding-based model for working through conflicts, including divorce. (More on my approach here.)

I am not a lawyer and am not there to provide legal advice to either party. When legal information is necessary to make decisions, we will collaborate on the best ways to get the relevant information. 

At the end of this process, I draft an agreement that reflects the decisions you have come to through the divorce mediation.

Who is in the room during divorce mediation sessions?

In each divorce mediation session there are at least three people: the separating couple and the mediator.

In many cases, other people participate either in person during the session or through consulting with either or both parties between sessions. Lawyers, therapists, coaches, friends or others are welcome to attend if they have an important role for either or both parties, as long as their participation is agreed upon by both parties.

Whenever my ex and I try to talk about divorce decisions, we argue. A lot. Can we still do mediation?

Yes! In fact, building understanding in the face of conflict is the entire point of mediation. My role as your mediator is to turn down the heat and figure out new ways, with your collaboration, to have difficult conversations.

This isn’t couple’s therapy, but it does involve communicating in new ways to get to the root of the conflict so we can understand it and generate creative ways to work through it.

Divorce mediation is especially valuable for separating couples with children. In these cases, the divorce is a transition to a new way of communicating, making sure children’s needs are met during and after the divorce.